Hello...anyone there?

Hiiiiii! I haven't been up here in so long. I feel like my blog is so bland, so blah...but I don't feel like trying to figure out how to do cool stuff so it will have to stay the way it is. I wish I had friends who could hook my blog up for me..oh well. I also feel like I'm talking to myself because I'm pretty sure when I kinda dissed my blog, so did the little bit of readers I had. Anyways, I'm back because I decided to post pictures of my hair and friends' hair since I decided to go natural. I remember when I first started this blog I was contemplating it...well, obviously I decided to stop with the creamy crack and now, Im rocking the nappy shit. That may seem to have a negative connotation..but nope, just how I talk. I like my hair :)

Dear Fall, you might not know what my blog is called..

its Vortex. it was more of a summer fling...nah, a summer love


Abeyance

n.

1. The condition of being temporarily set aside; suspension

2. Law A condition of undetermined ownership, as of an estate that has not yet been assigned.

I loved blogging last summer but once the semester started, I had to put my blog in abeyance. Nevertheless, I'm back... i think i used it right?

Word on the street...

is that J. Cole's video for "who dat" will premire Monday 6/21


I feel like no one will see this cuz i haven't blogged in like almost a year.. hope someone is reading.. anyways, imma try and get back on my blogging this summer.. and anyone who knows me knows how much I love J. Cole.. anyways, im out!

oh shit, i almost forgot

Debauch
verb

1. to corrupt by sensuality, intemperance, etc.; seduce
2. to corrupt or pervert
3. to lead away, as from allegiance or duty

noun

1. a period of wanton or sensual self-indulgence
2. an uninhibited spree or party; orgy: a wild debauch

It never fails, he knows the right words and exactly how to say them to debauch me and just like the time before, and the time before that, i am easily lead astray...errrytime doe! lolz

slightly inspired by Ian

Ask a dude if he'd want to get with a girl who is a virgin. Actually, ask like 10 dudes, I bet at least 7/10 would say somethin like "hell yea"

Ask a girl if she'd want a guy who is a virgin, i bet she'd say somethin like "hell no!"

guys like pure, the thought of the girl being somewhat "untouched" but they definitely also like someone experienced too. I mean, they dont want someone who's gonna act like a "lil girl" or someone to just lay there. lolz
girls want experience, period. am i wrong?

Maaaaan. this is something I've had on my mind for a while.. it comes and goes..I HATE TO SEE A WOMAN LOSE HERSELF IN A RELATIONSHIP. Yes, in relationships, you learn from each other and grow together and you may change.. it should always be for the better though. yes, I realize sometimes these things are easier said than done. Well actually, in this situation, i'm not sure how true that is. It may be just that people are so use to seeing it happen, so it may seem like the reality. It doesnt have to be. I thought you enter into relationships with/for the person he/she is, not for what you want to change them into. With that being said, of course some of your habits from the single life may be minimized or dropped once you're with someone, but you shouldn't completely diss your family and friends. "let yourself go," lose your voice, basically lose your life or yourself. you should be the same you, maybe just an impoved version? Let that man breathe and you can too. I know a person who was such a "go-getter" a "no nonsense" type, she didnt play. Then here comes mr. man & she becomes one of the most docile people i've ever seen. She has little say-so in her own house. Another female, has been separated from her husband for about umm, 7 years. obviously there were reasons they're not together anyway. But I bet if he wanted to, she'd drop everything and get back with him. Right now, she's seeing someone new, and it seems like he dictates her life. It seems like his satisfaction is the root of everything she does. No one, single person should dictate everything you do, especially when you dont have your own personal shit together. and ESPECIALLY not if that person has the means to do for self, but decides not to.
I don't know what I want to say anymore or i just don't feel like thinking but, I'll finish with this.. Women can be soooo strong when it comes to other things, other aspects of life, but when it comes to a man, she becomes weak. whyyyyyyyyy??? Maybe I shouldnt say weak... but I am sooo sure that a wonderful relationship can exist between a man and a woman without her compromising her everything or vice versa. Scared he's gonna leave? That just might be best then. The person you are, your social life, and his CAN COEXIST. the end

Inimical
-adjective

1. adverse in tendency or effect; unfavorable; harmful: a climate inimical to health.
2. unfriendly; hostile: a cold, inimical gaze

i don't feel like using this is a sentence. umm i quit. maybe i'll come back.

I LOVE CLUTCH MAGAZINE!
i get concepts and ideas from it. I just love exploring the whole thing and reading all the articles.
check it out.
http://clutchmagonline.com/

Everything aint' what it seems

Every lady aint a hoe & and every bitch sure aint no queen
every nigga aint a dog & every nigga aint no king
shit be happenin' for a reason
everything is everything

yea you swear your girl is faithful, everything aint what it seems
see i seen, how she glance and look away, like she want it
i aint saying imma fuck her, but I could if I wanted
know it hurts, that she flirt, wit a nigga, jus as worse
i bet if i was to hit it, man I wouldnt be the first
-Dollar & a Dream II by J. Cole
*****************************************************
everything aint what it seems. the seemingly tough, the ones who have to show & express it are always weak. its just a cry. a mask. defense mechanism. The talkers never do & the do-ers never talk. the loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room

i'll be back
*******************************************************
everything aint what it seems
dont want what other people have or wish for other people's lifestyles.
a lady at my job whose from St. Lucia said to me, some people sell their souls to the devil to live the way they do. While that may be extreme and unbelievable, i believe the overall message in a more subtle way.
I'm just learning not to covet other people or things. be happy with what you have. you dont really always know whats going on or what enables people to live certain ways. you not about that life! lolz jk jk
*******************************************************
everything aint what it seems
you think you know somebody but you don't
why do relationships end?
cuz the person you thought you knew like the back of your hand did something you never ever they would do, or vice versa
same for friendships, also a relationship
think about it, thats always the cause of a relationship ending
someone does some shit you couldn't even fathom. people who've been together or friends for years.
its scary, everything aint what it seems

i've prayed and asked God that no one in my family or close my family ever gets a chronic disease, terminally ill. I always ask God to bless me & everyone in my family and everyone close to my family with another day and another year. Is that an unrealistic request, because I know we all can't be promised another day, every day. When my cousin died when I was in 7th grade, I thought it might have been because I didnt say my prayers that night, the one in which I thought I would secure another day for my family by asking God. I've been let down. Brett. Grandma Ethel. Uncle Ken. Uncle Jerald. Granddaddy. Grandma. I've been let down. Why pray? I have been let down! my family is my everything. The bad things in life are more painful than all the happy times. Because, I never forget. I don't know what to do or say. How can I be there? We need each other. I cry for you. and myself. I love them all. why? why do things happen? bad things? how can they say lay your burdens on the Lord? they are heavily weighing on my mind! I will do for her what she did for me, when I needed it so bad. Thank you. but I need it too because I'm hurting now as well. why? I love her, and her, and her. Please restore their health and my heart.
*********************************************************************************
i feel better. talked to Key. I love her. Called myself calling to be there for her, but I needed her. it was like i was a crying baby who saw her mom & knew everything was gonna be ok. my family, we do that for each other. what would I do without Key. I was a wreck a few seconds ago, my face burns from tears. but I'm ok now. i'm ok.

Must they stray? : Black men dating outside of their race & Black women hating it

Why do some black females cringe at the thought or sight of a black man with a woman of another race? Black men do it too. Some people really HATE to see a black man with an intimate companion who is anything other than a black woman. but why tho? Truthfully, it kinda makes me mad to see it as well. BUT not for the most part. It only gets to me if there is a period when it seems like that is all I see, that has happened before. It was like every time I turned around, a black man had his hands interlocked with a white woman or some other race. I am well aware that this may sound ignorant but its real. I know several guys whose mothers have told them not to bring a white girl home; my mother being one of them. (she was kind of joking though) I tried to come up with some reasons to why some one's personal relationship preference could piss so many people off. (1) Remember in Save the Last Dance (you may not, but I do cuz I know like every line of that movie) but remember after Nikki & Sarah fought and they were sitting in the gym afterwards? The dialogue went something like this

Nikki: it aint' over bitch

Sarah: I dont even know why it started bitch

Nikki: cuz u always in my way

Sara: I'm only in your way when it comes to Derrick, thats what this is all about

Nikki: its about you, white girls like you, creepin' up, taking our men. The whole world aint enough you gotta conquer ours too

So there is one reason. Some may feel like white people control everything and can have whatever they want, including black men. It is almost a pride thing. dating a black man, in addition to all of the other things white people may or seemingly have control of, is like the straw that broke the camel's back. its like oh laawwd, not our men! Its somewhat selfish? not wanting to share. People may feel like whites are greedy, digging into whatever they want and taking it for themselves. It doesn't necessarily transverse into our (black ppl) lives, but when they date our men, its like they're stepping on our toes, crossing all kinds of boundaries, taking something from us. Females are territorial in general; factor in the race thing, and you get a pissed black female.
Also in that movie, Derek’s sister said to Sarah about the fight & what Nikki said
Chenille: You and Derek act like it don't bother people to see you together. Like it don't hurt people to see.

Sara: Well, we like each other. What is the big damn deal? It's me and him, not us and other people.

Chenille: Black people, Sara. Black women. Derek's about something. He's smart. He's motivated. He's for real. He's not gonna make babies and not take care of them, or run the streets messing up his life. He's gonna make something of himself. And here you come white, so you gotta be right and take one of the few decent men we have left after jail, drugs and drive-by. That is what Nikki meant about you up in our world.

Ding Ding Ding! Second reason, which kind of ties into the 1st. (an I am soo sorry for damn near putting the entire movie script) There seems to be a cosmic number of black men in the public eye who date white women, the ones who have “made it.” Most people, or at least I think most people, know that black men take up a vast amount of bed spaces in prisons. Fewer black men in college. The qualities that make a man a “good one” just aren’t there in big numbers for black men. If this isn’t true, it is a major misconception. Black women, and some black men, feel like there is a shortage of “good” black men. So it absolutely kills us to see a “good” black man with a white woman or non-black woman. Its like if you have your own starburst, and your sister has her own skittles, you even think she has more than you, 2 packs. lolz. To you, the red ones taste the best & its only a few of those in the pack. then you see her eating your red starburst! Its like bitch you got a whole pack of skittles, why u fuckin’ wit my starburst? and then you wanna take the RED ONES!?!?! bad example?? I tried. lolz It sounds a little like jealousy. I think it’s justified jealousy though. I honestly think we have every right to be a little salty when we see our black men, whom have sub species that are almost endangered, with someone who is not black. I also think a person has every right to date whomever he/she pleases. The reality of it is people have their own opinions.

3rd Reason. I don’t know how true this is, but it is possible that Tyrone and Becky or Deshawn and Maria piss Tanya off because Tanya is not attracted to Tyler or Jose. Get me? Well, if not, let me break it break it down. Lolz I don’t know the statistics or anything, but you don’t find too many black women dating white men. Maybe some Latinos or something. Def not Asian persuasion either. Far more frequently you’ll see a black man with one of the races aforementioned. Soooo, maybe black women are mad because the black man likes what he sees outside of the box and doesn’t mind testing the waters while she is comfortably chillin inside that box in a boat with a life ring in her hand that she thinks the black man desperately needs. Did I lose you? Lolz hope not. my bad dawg..

Some history. Well, this is just my take on it. Aiight aiight lemmie see (tries to collect thoughts) Back in the day, like back back back in the slavery days, day, you know they had the white women in the house, not doin’ shit for real. The black women bustin’ her ass, taking care of other ppl’s kids (the white peoples kids) cooking, cleaning, field work, getting raped, all that. Sooo, basically she’s like the next nigga 4real. (excuse my expression this once) But you have the white woman, who is supposed to be kept pure, that’s why the master is using the black woman to umm, “relieve some stress?” So since way back, the white woman has always been placed on a pedestal and deemed more desirable. Also, seeing people who look like you being treated one way and people who don’t, white people, be treated so much better, it messes with your psyche. Even if this is a subconscious thing, you begin to equate white with “goodness” because that’s just the association your mind will make. Does this make any sense? I wish my brain had a translator. Post slavery, (and during) you had the whole light skin vs. dark skin thing. People wanted to be lighter, smaller nose, thinner lips, “good hair” white features were desirable because it was embedded into the minds of black people that white, or the closer you are to being white, the better…
Now, I might have gotten a little carried away with that, but it just may have something to do with the black men dating outside of their race phenomenon. It had always been a big No No.

Lastly, some people may see it as “selling out” You’re supposed to “stay true” to your people, for lack of a better term. Lolz they don’t understand “the struggle” lolz I find these terms to be humorous, but I get the point

I know I said lastly already, but I want to throw in an opinion from a good male friend of mine.. he said men are more laid back and go-with-the-flow type. They don’t care about much. Females always want something to fuss about.. I can’t remember his exact words but I’m trying to summarize it… maybe if females were a little bit more care-free and easy going, we would see “it doesn’t matter if you’re black or white”

soooo wat, that baby is like 1/4 black?

oook so these are all famous ppl...so wat

Dear Marriage, I'm terrified of you

Where are all the happily married black couples?
In my mind, they're either old, like grandparents old, when people didn't divorce all willy nilly, and had at least 4 children, old. ooorrr they don't exist.
If they do, they arent in my line of vision. Don't get me wrong, I know black couples who are still hangin' in there, but he's hanging on Sharee, Tracy, and Sonya too. or he's punched her ass a couple of times. Or they argue every minute of the day... or something similar.
Recently, I'd say, maybe within a week or 2, I had had conversations with 3 different young males, ages 20-25, and they all had subconsciously planned to have kids soon, and get married some time later. None of them had a reason why, they couldn't explain why their life was planned the way it was, thats why i said it was subconscious. The oldest guy said, "I mean, thats just the way it happens" I was like What!?!? you are already preparing to have a broken home? Probably cuz people are just maybe not used to seeing black marriages, not good ones. They just don't seem to be real. People get married, then that in sickness & health, till death do us part bull goes right out the damn window. My parents were together at least, 16 years. Ok, 16 years, throw it in the bag right? its a wrap, they're growing old together, you don't get divorced and start over after 16+ years (im not sure) right? WRONG!!!!!!! History, wedding vows, children, a house together, none of that is enough to save a marriage anymore. if it ever was?

Marriage is corrupt. I wonder what the statistics are? What is the likelihood of be getting married and staying happily married with that person for the rest of my days?
Its so crazy to me because, I think, no, I feel confident when I say that most couples feel as if that person they marry is who they want/are going to spend the rest of their life with. They love them so much, to death, into the afterlife, reincarnation n errrything. Words like separation, divorce, and split don't exist (maybe they do cuz people sign prenuptials). My point is, nobody expects or foresees the terrible shit that causes them to divorce. all you see is basically cruisin' in lover's lane with maybe a few bumps along the way, flat tires n shit, a car seat... but not a crash, not a new car, ok imma shut up. lolz but yea, its crazy man, I'm scared to get married. 1. if my HUSBAND cheats on me, PAUSE. not boo, not boyfriend, not ex, not jank, fuck buddy, HUSBAND, life partner, if HE cheats on me, i will kill him. point blank period. 2. I dont want my marriage to be the cause of a mid-life crisis. the end.
-ps: poor celeb couples..

OH EMM GEEEE!

He is sooooooo beautiful. I wonder how come some people are just so attractive? I could just look at his face all day. Then his body the next. yeessss, apparently, I am not only drawn to black men. "I would fuck wit all yall, all of yall are beautiful" I like 'em brown, yellow, Puerto Rican, or Haitian... (and basically anything else) back to the gorgeous god. PAUL WALKER. ......((excuse me while I close my mouth & stop drooling))......he played in umm, the fast & the furious & umm, whats that semi-scary movie when they were in a car & there was this truck driver & he'd get on the radio & be like "caaanndy caaaane" anybody know what I'm talking about? he probably played in some other stuff...LIKE MY DREAMS EVERY NIGHT! lolz

Macabre
-adjective

1. gruesome and horrifying; ghastly; horrible
2. of, pertaining to, dealing with, or representing death, esp. its grimmer or uglier aspect.
3. of or suggestive of the allegorical dance of death.

"One of the macabre jokes in the African American community is that African American males should not have to pay into the social security system because they do not live long enough to collect it." - Janice Hale, "Learning While Black: Creating Educational Excellence for African American Children"

I hear macabre stories of violence and death much too often..

tick tock TICK ---------------------------------------

I'm just getting off of work. We had a wedding reception today. 2 actually. In the one I was working, they did that dance thing where all the couples dance and then the dj says a certain amount of years and if you and your lover have been married for that amount of years or longer, you stay on the dance floor. I realized, old people probably live for stuff like that. They probably try to get flyy because they know their gonna go and do married couples dance-a-thons when they go to events. They've probably done a million of those. Highlight of your life once you get a certain age. My friend told me that her grandma gets so pressed to go to church, like tries to get super cute. lolz old people only care about stuff like that, grandkids, social security, and the news. And like, when you get really old, its like you're just waiting for the music to stop. (which used to be like a teenager's ipod on "shuffle" but is now some slow boring song on repeat cuz old ppl do the same nothings everyday) But really, some people really seem like they have nothing to live for but just waiting to die. Thats sad, but, when you're like old as dirt, can barely move, hardly eat & start to shit on yourself again, what is there to do but sit there looking like a dried up piece of fruit and shit on yourself? I wonder. We should just be immortal. Hopefully you have familiy and they'll come visit, that might add a tiny sparkle of happiness to the fact that your life is "on a wing and a prayer" as my mom would say. lolz

"And you 'round here talkin bout you tryna find a job" -mom

Sorrryyy mom, but I'm tryna become the human version of of swiss cheese
I did it!

-P.S. THANKS FOR HELPING ME DECIDE WHICH PIERCING TO GET PPL!! (sarcasm)

my blog

i dont really like it
i realized that like my first 10 posts are pretty stupid
when I was 1st starting out, like i said, I was unsure where I wanted to go with it. It seemed completely unfocused, had no vibe or feel. I want to delete some of them, but, I wont. SOMEONE might like them, but I dont! ugh! thats it.

"I am, was, and always will be a catalyst for change" -shirley chisholm

One of my favorite quotes. (dont believe me,check my facebook) lolz
it makes me wanna say "Thats wat I'm talkin' about!" lolz Really tho, love it. It seems kind of ideal to me, rather than real, which makes me sad & uneasy. Ideal, because, I want to say this be telling the truth. Well, in a way I do change things. They may not be on a grand scale, but minute things matter. If you're not a part of the solution, you're a part of the problem. I need to make moves. If I don't, I'll always have those moments when I'm by myself, thinking, or talking to a fellow passionate friend, where I realize how unsatisfied I am with things around me.
At the end of my summer school class, my professor did a mini analysis of all of the females in the class & grouped us according to his findings. (i think I talked about this already) Me and another girl were in the "Boss Lady" group. We're destined to be in some type of leadership position. My atrology sign testifies to this. (Aries) Funny thing is, I'd rather jus be told to do some shit. BUT, I kinda think I may have conditioned, or tricked myself into believing that because I'm not always that confident in my abilities in certain situations. This is probably why I hate to not do my job well on accident. If im jus being lazy & slacking, thats different. but if I'm jus not doing a good job, it bothers me. I told my professor that I don't think I'm a leader (i dont, despite the fact that I lie on job applications that ask questions about leadership skills-lolz) and he said you are, thats why when you're not in charge, you're mad because you know you want to do it your way. I'll never forget that. much insight about myself. thats why I hate group work. like i said, i think i tricked myself into thinking i like to be assigned work or told wat to do, rather than make the decisions. Instead, I dont trust myself to complete tasks on my own, so I just say I'd rather someone tell me wat to do & how to do it. Thats why when I think i'm good at something, I dont like ppl interferring. lolz ok ok ok this is toooo much, way of topic. im done.

I don't wanna get rich, see you in the hood... Part I

ok I have 2 spins on this. i really suck at titles, i think its cuz my brain is so damn weird, everything is a bunch of associations. things remind me of other things. thats why i'm so seemingly random, my thought processes are very long, but quick, and the final product (wat i say or do) seems random because there were a series of connections that occurred(right word?) inside my head before I even spoke... ooook, this is a mini tangent because I'm not even writing about what I'm supposed to yet. ...and to think i didnt even feel like bloggin. well, i dont. I'm just doing this to give the people what they want! supply and demand baby! lolz jk, seriously, idk, i just need to stay up to date while i can. oook, now to the topic. ok ok, my future. I'm in college, so of course I hope to be making a decent (i'd prefer well above decent) salary in the years to come. and of course I want a nice, spacious house. Sooo more than likely, I will not be living in the "hood" unless....GENTRIFICATION! lolz but like I was saying, (well, typing) I probably will not have a nice, spacious home in the "hood" but if I have children, I kind of want them to live in the hood. Am I crazy? If we don't live in the "hood," at least go to school with "hood" children (okay, i've used the word hood entirely too many times in 1 paragraph) I feel this way because of 2 reasons mainly. (1) I think people who grow up living in, umm how can i say thissss, uh, hood-like/black people populated areas, have a certain "toughness" about them that you need in life. Especially as a person of color (looorrrdy here I go. lolz) A person may not be Billy Bad Ass, but you're not gonna get away with but so much with a person whose been around umm, the hood?? lolz (somebody pleeeaase help me find a better word.) *disclaimer: if your parents have that upbringing, you're good even if you grow up in the suburbs* Now, growing up, I wasnt at risk of being hit by a stray bullet every time I stepped out of my front door, but I def didnt grow up in the suburbs. I'm not the "go hard" type, but you will not get over on me or disrespect me. All of that makes you who you are and probably accounts for that "toughness" I was talking about. Neighborhood fights, somebody messing wit u & you know your mom told u "if somebody puts their hands on you, you hit them back" or "Dont let nobody touch your little brother" Not because she's confrontational or wants you to be Muhammad Ali, but because you kind of have to take on certain umm defense strategies? idk. Maybe its you learning to be careful or to carry your purse close to you. Getting jumped. idk, anything. You acquire a certain fearlessness and sometimes a sense of urgency. Learn to take up for yourself & friends. Other people are a little too reserved at times and don't always know how to handle business when they dont have that "hood experience" lolz this kind of intertwines with my other reason. (2) People who lived in the "hood" usually appreciate more, have a "go-getter" attitude, and know how to fend for themselves. Street smarts maybe? I feel like, I'm doing a terrible job at explaining this and noone will understand. lolz anyways, other people are too scary sometimes. They also offend people sometimes because they can be kinda rude. Sometimes, they dont mean anything by it. (3) I had a fun childhood. I mean, talking about my outside childhood. We had adventures. lolz and like I said, it kind of makes you who you are, all of my experiences. I couldnt imagine growing up in the suburbs or being surrounded by white kids. hahahahahaha sorry?

*by hood, I dont necessarily mean the projects or anything
*and I'm not saying you have to live in the hood or go through tough situations to end up being a good/strong person. everyone knows there are good and bad products of the hood and not-so-hood neighborhoods
and I don't think I'm finished and I also have another spin on this title.. my thoughts are all over the place so I'm just going to stop for now...

ok im back, but just for an example When I went to Jena for the whole Jena 6 thing, I went with a friend, my cousin, and 2 other people I didnt know. One person was the girl who organized the trip (which was falling apart by the second) She was from Maryland, not B More, but the nice part. went to private school, then UVA, bla bla bla. From my understanding, she received a lot of money from her church for the trip(that was supposed to be on a charter bus) Somehow, the bus thing fell through, I think because people started backing out, idk. so it ended up being just the 5 of us, no, I think there were 2 other people. yes, ok, i dont know how this happened, after we were waiting for a long time for the bus(?) a man comes to get us in a taxi. Yes, a taxi. (i need 2 wrap this up) ok, let me sum this up, we def couldn’t fit in the taxi so he left & came back with a taxi van? lolz We were really skeptical, but we went anyways. (the other ppl didnt come then eventually decided to come in another car) soooo, this TAXI DRIVER told the girl who put the trip together (we'll just call her X) that he makes about $300 a day and she had to pay him wat he would make in a day, everyday. So, the trip was supposed to go somethin liiiiike, leave wed, be there thurs, stay in a hotel, come back fri..somethin like that. Sooo, thats 3 days=she pays him $900 PLUS gas. I really want to know am I trippin or does that sound like some bullshit?? He drives us to Jena, stops every 2 hours to eat, falls asleep on the road several times, causing me to nearly shit my pants 1 of the times ("oh it was somethin' in the road" my ass!), gets us there late as shit, no hotel, had to wipe the cootie bird wit babywipes(i love u godmommy) & change in the gas station restroom, makes SURE he gives her the receipt for gas every time he gets it, cracks a couple of jokes, and sings along with the radio. OK, i spilled some juice on the MAT of the van. THE PLASTIC MAT. I say, "i'm gonna get it up" he goes "no don't worry about it, Im gonna get it cleaned anyways." i say "you sure? I can just clean it up" he says "yea, dont worry about it" ok, its done, he's gonna clean THE PLASTIC MAT. (note PLASTIC because I can jus wipe that shit off, its not the carpet) soooo when we finally get back to UVA, girl X and the driver chat it up, while me, my friend, & cousin stand around, about to leave. then girl X comes up to me & mentions the spill. She said he made her give her EXTRA money (remember the $900 + gas) because I spilled juice on the PLASTIC MAT and she wished I would have said somethin. o nah! wont get me! i was thinkin, i'll be damned if i give her docile ass some money 4 that shit. he tricked her ass, but they wont get Chaz. AAAAND she had spilled somethin in the back of the van, i heard it was only like a drop. so that drop, plus my spill on the PLASTIC MAT plus that con artist of a driver we had, caused her to give him EXTRA money. see, thats that private school suburb shit. 1st of all, i would have neevverrrr paid him $900 when he was EXTREMELY late, we werent even gone 3 full days, he stopped every 2 hours (i am NOT exaggerating) , and it jus sounded like a lie. I would have done some investigating, called around, looked for the best rate, something. 2nd, she jus took his word for it. theres nooooo way I would have done that. I would have said, look, he's saying you spilled somethin on the mat, now he has to get the car detailed. yall need to work that out. or, at least "well let me see the spill" "give me some soap & water" no way he would have gotten any more money from me. nope. no deal. not a chance. ok, im mad again jus thinkin about it. Im done. point is, I definitely attribute her people skills, ability or lack thereof to handle business, and her vulnerability to getting conned, played, taken advantage of, to her surroundings and upbringing. I dont know for sure, but I bet that wouldn’t have happened to me, or my friend, or cousin. Book smarts got her to UVA but left her ass hanging that day...

Beauty & Brains..&nd a lot of shit to say

My friend Kristin "Shug" Vareene (hahahahaha) has a blog now! She just started yesterday but that doesnt mean you shouldnt gon' head & start following today! Check it out, check it out!

http://www.shuggabooga.blogspot.com/

and Courtney has been bloggin' for a lil minute now, Check her's out as well.
http://true-definitions.blogspot.com/

Two of my "mains" from school. like, not my associates or "hi & byes" these are my girls. The title speaks for itself mostly. Some badd jawns wit quick tongues, incredible mindsets, who have a lot to say. subscribe & stay tuned..

Inspired by Shug

Jabberwocky
-noun

1. a playful imitation of language consisting of invented, meaningless words; nonsense; gibberish
2. an example of writing or speech consisting of or containing meaningless words

-adjective

1. consisting of or comparable to Jabberwocky; meaningless; senseless.

jabberwocky is really a word. lolz I think its the title of a poem also. Some guy wrote a nonsense poem called jabberwocky & its often to said to be 1 of the greatest nonsense poems of all time. written in English.. hold on, im bout 2 google it... ahhh ok his name is Lewis Carroll. the poem came from the novel "Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There" bla bla bla. if you happen to be interested, heres a link http://www.eliteskills.com/c/2161

Again, this is from an article by Peggi McIntosh, titled "White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack." McIntosh is a white female who noticed that a system exists; wherein because she is white, she is at an advantage over others (excluding men). She describes this system as a phenomenon of white privilege that is denied and protected.

"White privilege is like an invisible weightless knapsack of special provisions, maps, passports, codebooks, visas, clothes, tools , and blank checks."

As promised, here are the next 5 on her list of "privileges" she noticed in her everyday life, this time with commentary. lolz

6. I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented.

--- I think this is definitely true. As a black person, I can't really say this, unless I am referring to BET and you already know how I feel about that network... I find myself slightly surprised or happy when I see a black person on CNN or something. You know how they have like random people they get to give their opinion on stuff & they'll be like oh, this is Laquita Jones, editor of such & such and Tom Levingston from such & such & they'll ask Laquita & Tom what they think. Know what I'm talking about? like on Nancy Grace's show or something? I'm sure white people aren't happy when they see another white person on TV

7. When I am told about our national heritage or about "civilization," I am shown that people of my color made it what it is. .

---I agree with this also. When we learn about our nation (USA) and how it came about, the whole essence and foundation of American, credit is given to white men. Even if this credit is due, the portion of African civilization, Asian, Latin, etc is lacking when we are educated, through school, TV, or society. This, in a way, is like an invisible privilege. It may partially explain some of why our culture/community is the way it is. A need to know where you came from & what people who look like you have done is essential. We lack that, tremendously.

8. I can be sure that my children will be given curricular materials that testify to the existence of their race.

--I think the comment above sums this up. Like she says, she can BE SURE that her children will be given curricular materials that say, hey, white people exist & they've been existing. White people probably don't ever have to dedicate a single thought to wondering if their race will be adequately represented and presented to their children when they're in schools or similar settings. Black people can not say the same thing. and that's real. We already know the deal, actually. We already know the few people we're going to learn about : MLK jr, Rosa parks, Frederick Douglass, and maybe about 4 other black people. A few more might be mentioned in February..

9. If I want to, I can be pretty sure of finding a publisher for this piece on white privilege.

--I'm thinking true? Imagine a black person trying to publish an article or piece on white privilege or even on Black privilege (??) I'm thinking it may be a little bit harder to come by. Or at least harder than it was for Peggi McIntosh. Please notice how all of these things are little invisible privileges that mean so much & often times, like McIntosh said, white people are oblivious to these privileges they have. She said they had been taught not to see it and to not see themselves as oppressive.

10. I can be pretty sure of having my voice heard in a group in which I am the only member of my race.

-- I really agree. Imagine, lets say, a business setting? school setting, perhaps a student organization. Some type of atmosphere where there is a group of people and only one of them is white. Honestly, do you think that white person will have a hard time getting their voice heard? Or feel like they might be is a situation where they will not be heard. Imagine the same type setting, but in the group, only one black person. Do you think that person might possibly have to worry about having his/her voice heard?

And when we make love you know it's gon' be amazin'

...cuz you're my #1

Pharrell Williams
I've been slippin on my cuties of the week but its back! back like it never left baby! lolz jk, but umm yea. He's gorgeous. Amazing smile. just look at his face. also, an insane musician/producer aaaand he's from the beach. he's just soo fine. lolz great performer. and I really like his name. I could go on and on...

this is slightly irrelevant, but is this really his custom Bape g-shock?? sick, is an understatement.

Pharrell making a beat. I love watching this video. so seemingly nothing, but so much. intriguing

pierce my whole body I don't give a mutha fuck

So I want another piercing. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get 1 whenever I go back to Richmond. I was actually supposed to get 1 before I came home. I can't decide what I want tho..

This is my final goal! lolz jus kidding.

2nd Choice C: Above and below. I definitely wouldnt get all of them, maybe just one side or just 1 in the middle?

ok this is not a piercing but I think its super cool and cuterz. neat idea, i love it!

3rd Choice: hahahahaha, thats prolly how my janks gonna look. lolz jk. but, I am going back n forth in my head about getting the nips pierced with my fellow huge-breasted friend


2nd choice B: Chuurch! I want this. remember, i have a monroe on the other side. I figure, as long I dont try to rock 2 big ass studs at the same time, I'm good. I wish I coulda found a pic of Aneesa from the real world who has both but she wears 2 tiny little gem-diamond-lookin studs. they're really cute. Anyone who knows me know I usually wear my clear jewelry anyways.. alot of ppl dont even know I have a monroe..

4th choice: Angel bites! not all that shit on her face, just the 2 monroe things since I already have one. again, I'd only wear 1 at a time or 2 small ones

2nd Choice A: middle lip ring thing. keep in mind I have a monroe on my right side, your left. lolz clash maybe?

1st Choice: septum. only thing is, I heard this hurts sooooooooooooooooo bad. my old suite mate & a new friend have this. you can tuck it in & noone would ever know u have it done..

**********************************************************************************

ok, why do I feel like this post is mild porn? lolz. but seriously, which one?

my buzzo Ariana; lip ring

Alycia stickin that tongue ring out, spring ball 09

Shug wit the lip ring

Alycia:monroe & tongue, Courtney: cleavage & industrial, & Shug: tongue & lip

my old suitemate. she has the cleavage piercing, both nostrils, septup, and lip

look closely, her finger is pierce. she has like a million others but i couldn't find a pic

Desiree; nose

attempting not to slack off

Impervious
–adjective

1.not permitting penetration or passage; impenetrable
2.incapable of being injured or impaired
3.incapable of being influenced, persuaded, or affected: impervious to reason; impervious to another's suffering"

"I’m privy to the rule that we Sistas have to be Strong Black Women in order to exist and maintain our sanity, but being impervious shouldn’t depart from having a loving and proper attitude towards our own in any setting."-Alaina L. Lewis, Clutch Magazine

lolz

My REAL SHIT of the day

wow, I should definitely try to stop cursing... fuck it!
anyways, a lot has been going on lately and i sweeaarrrr swear, someone always seems to say exactly wat needs to be said to me when I am goin thru shit, also know as life. and I think sweet Jesus for that

Today, when I reluctantly rode with my aunt to the store for my mom, she gave me a mini speech about how you don't want to do stuff for your parents and they get on your nerves, but you gotta suck it up and just deal with it. At least you'd be good on your part (from a spiritual perspective) My grandma was riding with us too and she jokingly asked my aunt "do I get on your nerves?" Her repy really resonated with me..she said "yea you do, but I'd rather have you here to get on my nerves than to not have you here and to be missing you & thinking about all of the things I said or should've done."

...and thats my REAL SHIT of the day
<3 you mommy

on-some-sasha-fierce-if-u-like-it-put-a-ring-on-it-type-ish

I read an article, well actually, two articles online about marriage and stuff, bare with me as I try to remember what it said... ok I remember it saying something like most men know within a few weeks or months if a female is "marriage material" and they know within a few more months if they want to marry that female. True???

yay! I just found one of the articles!

Ok, they were exploring the issue of couples basically "shackin' up" They posed the question, "how long is too long to wait for a marriage proposal?"

Women seem more eager to get married, but that may be because that kind of starts when you're little. You wanna grow up and get married in a pretty white dress and have little kiddies, maybe a dog or something? idk. most girls have probably even sketched a potential/dream wedding dress design, out of boredom or fantasy, wateverrr.

The main issue still is, how long IS too long? One part I read that really hit me, and I was like truuuuuu is

“The problem with so many relationships where people
want a commitment is that they’ve already given everything away that would be of potential benefit. You don’t have to get married today to have kids. You don’t have to get married today to have sex. You don’t have to get married today to
share bank accounts. Where’s the benefit?”

CHUUURCH! lolz but seriously, that is so true. Why would a man be eager to marry you if he already reaps the benefits he would if you were wife? Statistics show that after 5 years, the chances of getting a ring are pretty slim, according to the article. Writer, Janelle Harris recalls making sure her nails were done every holiday just in case her boyfriend of SIX YEARS decided to pop the question..

Ok, I'm 20 and no where near the possibility of exchanging wedding vows. Most of my peers are probably in the same boat. Especially since most of us are in college and just joining the dub club (sorry teenagers) But if you're 20+ and have like a live-in boyfriend and yall have been together at least 2 years, you should be thinking about marriage at least. If not, what is the point? sex? idk..

I asked my aunt today how long did she think is too long to wait for a proposal? She said after a year. I agree, in her case or once there is that level of maturity in the relationship. After a while, who wants to casual date all the time? What is the point going through the motions and spending so much time with one person if you don't plan on being with them in the long run?

I think it is important to note that, a proposal doesn't mean, lets get married tomorrow. It shows that he at least sees you in his future, as his wife; claims you as "his;" and wants to move toward becoming Mr. and Mrs. bla bla..

Money may be an issue, as far as a wedding is concerned. but like i said, he can at least express to you that he wants to and plans to "wife you up" lolz. I mean, as his lady, you should know his financial situation anyways, but, shackin up for more than 2 years without a ring is no bueno! (court! lolz)

I don't think I'm done here, so I may write more and re-post

my brother's keeper

sooo once again, my brother has been kicked out. This time, it was pretty extreme. as much as I wanna talk about it, I just can't put all my business on the world wide web like that. I had to sneak him clothes and food out of the house. Its tough money when your mom tells you "do NOT let your brother back in my house," especially if you are as close to your sibling as I am. I wish I had my own house then we could just live together. I just really hope that this doesn't snowball and create more problems. I don't want him to become a statistic, another black male in the system, or selling drugs, or dropping out of school. He needs me to keep him grounded. Out there with his friends, without me or our parents, he's liable to just go with the flow and do anything. I pray that he has a strong conscience, that makes him opt to do right thing. I pray against generational curses. I pray that the foundation from his upbringing is enough. I pray that he's safe. can you too, please?

Who's bloggin???

Alicia is!! yes, i've mentioned her before, the funniest person on earth, in my opinion. Anyway, she just started a blog like a week ago(i think), check it ouuttt!

http://amarie27.blogspot.com/

Wait a second, so is Jasmine! well, jym. annd, uh, I believe her friend keys? yea, well, if Im not mistaken, they're bloggin' together. check it out! its real cutsey, equip wit cool tunes.

http://www.sporadicaddicts.blogspot.com/

stole this from her myspace

Word to my mother

ok I just learned this word like last year i think. or maybe 2 years ago. I feel like I might just have a limited vocab, or maybe a lot of people dont know what it means like I didn't

heeeyy, they say this word in boyz in the hood! oh Furious Styles

Gentrification
-noun

1. the buying and renovation of houses and stores in deteriorated urban neighborhoods by upper- or middle-income families or individuals, thus improving property values but often displacing low-income families and small businesses.
2. an instance of gentrifying; the condition of being gentrified.

I live in Park Place and I can say, gentrification is live and real...

we gotta do better...

=

Black Entertainment Televison? I was thinkin' Black Exploitation Television
the BET awards....hmmmm....i dont even know where to begin. How about I start with WOW? It was just a hot ass mess, in my opinion. I don't think there was a moment I liked. Ok, I'm lying, i think I liked Keri Hilson's performance but she did waaaay too much. And anything HOV does is perfection to me so... Anyways, to keep this from looking like a big ass essay like a lot of my postings do, I'm going to number theatrocities that took place at that terrible attempt at an award show. lolz

1. Souljah (h?) boy-- really? the whole song tho? and by yourself? That song gets sooo annoying after a while. Its good for when it 1st comes on & everybody gets hype, but after that, cut that shit off man. It was pitiful how he struggled to keep momentum & keep the crowd entertained as he ran around the stage looking like a scared 15 yr old. lolz. he should've did another song, or like brought out keri hilson or somethin, made a remix, some loud ass explosive things or somethin. sucky ass performance.

2. And the nominees are....? Wait, there were nominees? ugh. BET so busy tryna cram in a million Michael Jackson tributes, they couldnt even produce a quality show. Giving out 2 awards at a time? Not telling us who was even nominated for the awards? wtf, that was pretty lame

3. Taraji P. Henson's hair. nuff said. like really, wat the hell was that? I'm done here.

4. Keyshia Cole. c'mooon Keysh. lolz. 1st, lets remember last year's performance..TERRIBLE. so you would think she'd try to redeem herself right? not even. 2nd, Monica completely shits on her in that song on the album version and Keyshia can hardly sing. so whyyyyy perform that song live? she should have faked laryngitis and declined the offer or something.. And her outfit? those pink capris. lolz not poppin dawg. lolz.

5. Tiny- "you still the king baby" hahaha. omg. her lips look disgusting. she just looks hideous, the end.

6. Why did the host perform more than like anyone else?

7. Drizzy.. ok ok, his leg is messed up. They should have said something because I think everybody at home was like why the fuck is he sitting down? Still, the performance sucked. low energy, just stupid, boring, and ghetto..

8. oh Beyonce. why did she decide to take us to fairytale land? and that depressing ass song! wtf!?!
me: wats up wit beyonce & the 1 piece janks? i mean, single ladies, ego, now the bet awards (puts on fairy shit & veil looking thing) wait, is she reenacting her wedding?
Alicia: idk but i dont wanna watch this shit..i feel like she killed the mood wit her ballet outfit & her operatic tunes. i feel like i'd watch a performance like this on WHRO

9. Ving Rhames tho? (spell?) Was he really drunk?? I think he was on sooomethin cuz, he was tripped out on stage. I dont think anyone knew if he was joking or not. if he was, he's a helluva actor

10. Joe Jackson. was it just me, or did he seem extremely unemotional??

11. BIG ASS CHAIN. really tho? really. i mean, i've seen the chain before but seeing it on the show on top of all the other mess, jus blew me.

12. sooo im tired of doin this so I'll try & sum it up. wat was the deal with all the profanity? What was up wit that Ciara performance? It actually wasnt that bad to me tho. Better than I'd expect from her. I was so hype for Mary Mary. lolz Amber Rose was lookin so simple but flyyyy as a bitch, as always. TREY TREY TREY! (creams) lolz. then put him on stage wit sexy Tyrese. WOWZERS! umm yea, why did they have little girls on the stage for "Every Girl" performance??? that was appropriate... (note the sarcasm) Alicia Keys & Don Cornelius talked us to death, she's gorgeous. Chaka Khan looked like she was supposed 2 be in the movie hocus pocus, but thats always.

Oh! and Lebron James, what did Michael & the Jackson family do for basketball!?!? hahaha, too funny. maybe he meant michael jordan? idk

point is, this was just another way black people succeeded in looking like buffoons on television. People don't behave like that (or perform like that) on other award shows (mtv is....idk) There were some good moments tho... Maybe they'll get it together for next year.

she kinda looks like young berg


http://clutchmagonline.com/lifeculture/feature/bet-why-do-you-hate-us/#2